Goals and reflections – ramble

I’m sitting at work unmotivated to do research on something I think I’m really interested in. Now that my main project is finished up, I’m left drifting for a bit until the next project comes along. I am supposed to be working on a couple low priority research based things but because they are low priority and I don’t have anybody to monitor my results, not much is getting done. I’m left thinking about where I want to go and how I want to get there.

Last year, I thought I wanted to be a filmmaker. I enjoyed certain aspects of film production tremendously: The gratification of finishing a project, turning vague emotions into pictures and words that channeled those vague emotions to an audience, making, for lack of a better word, art. There was a lot I didn’t like about making films too: I had trouble with collaborating a lot of the time – I knew how I wanted something to look and if I could get it to look that way, I would often not rely on others to get there. I didn’t like a lot of the things leadership brought up: having to keep an eye on people who didn’t do their jobs being the worst. Finally, the worst thing about filmmaking was the pressure I put on myself. It is very difficult for me to let go of my emotions and just create the best I could without thinking of further ramifications. I think it’s just fear and lack of confidence that prevents me from creating the best work.
My favorite works in video were when I was whisked away and made a film without any forethought. Kanishk and I would make videos together with no idea of what we were doing. The results would always have life to them, as if the chaos surrounding their creation led to something beautiful. Similarly to that, I always liked my work with Brandon. We often had a lot of tension and different ideas, but in hindsight, I feel the combined results were better than either of us could have brought on our own. Most of the films I did individually seemed the hardest to create – it was me against me. But those films were always an uphill battle against that inner “perfect creation” mentality. Removing the barriers of others let me focus on just what I wanted, which seemed easier at the time, but the end results somehow felt more lifeless. A certain magic comes into play when many ideas come together.

The last few paragraphs were just a sidestep, though. Now I’m looking forward to what to do next year and beyond. I’m currently working as an optical engineer at MIT Lincoln Laboratory – a federally funded research and development center related to the school. I’m in the optical communications group, which is an area a little out of my expertise. The group’s main focus is developing new communication systems using optical methods. I’m learning a lot about optical science and engineering and am also enjoying working in teams of engineers. I’m really amazed by the people I work with, about half have doctorate degrees and are among the top researchers in their fields. Almost everyone is extremely nice and helps me with difficult problems.

So I’m thinking about where to go from here. I have a big interest in imaging and displays – cameras and tvs. I’ve thought a lot about going into these fields and how I want to do that. I’ve applied to schools – a couple departments at MIT and University of Connecticut. Both schools have excellent professors engaged in the fields. I think what’s holding back my interest is research… I may be lazy, but I just don’t like reading papers all day. I start feeling apothetic when I start reading stuff and get frustrated because I don’t understand something. I think I just need to stop being a whiny bitch and get through the papers. Back to reading about CDs. Yay.

-Bob

Yay Friday

I’m at work but my mind is wandering too much to start research right away so thought I’d make a post. I convinced Kate to watch the beginning of “The Aristocrats” last night. I saw the movie earlier in the summer in a packed early screening on the MIT campus. Everyone in the audience was laughing the entire time. It was easily one of the funniest and most enjoyable movie going experiences of the year. I told Kate about how funny it was but she was appalled by the movie – hmmm, who’d have thought my wife wouldn’t want to see a movie about the most disgusting joke in the world. So we started the movie. After a couple of underage fisting references, I took the look of horror on her face to mean she had enough. I asked if she wanted to stop the movie, but she wanted to go on! We made it through the whole movie and she laughed quite a few times. I’m continually amazed at how much my dirty influence is taking over on her – first she liked “Sin City,” and now she liked this! Granted, she was more impressed by the range of comedians and filming style than the exquisite dirtiness of the joke, but still, I’m impressed.

I may write a review of the movie later but I might get lazy and not. Eh, it’s a blog, who cares?

Me and my blog

Hey everybody,

So everybody I know from college seems to have a blog. Since graduating and getting married, I seemed to have lost touch with people. So this is my shot at giving everybody who cares a little insite into my current world and what I think about it. I hope I can regularly update this blog to write my opinions of the latest movies and games I'm playing.

I'm spending a lot of time lately thinking about what I want to do in my future career. My undergraduate education was in optical engineering (you're not the only one who has no idea in hell what this is), but I had a very strong interest in filmmaking. I made some films and seriously considered a career in the movie industry but ended up taking an engineering job at MIT Lincoln Laboratory. I'm now thinking about grad school. I would like to combine the artistic experience of filmmaking with the technical work of engineering in my career. Part of this journal will be technical descriptions of things I'm interested in (mainly display technology). I'm doing this to make sure I have a concrete understanding of what I'm doing. I hope my explanations are simple and straightforward and that anyone can understand them. I often have trouble understanding technical things read in books and journals, so my goal is to be able to explain very technical things in easy to understand lingo.

So that's it, my first blog post!

-Bob